My Morning Routine

Wake up. Exhale from crazy dream. Get the urge to write it down. Assume I will remember it and grab phone instead.

Immediately go on phone. Do not blink. Squash down guilt for immediately going on phone. Open email. Panic at the amount. Quick delete of spam to feel accomplished. Immediately start answering emails and feel overwhelmed. Switch to social media.

Look at Insta comments/likes (or lack thereof wtf). Scroll through feed. Switch to Twitter. Repeat. Switch to Facebook. Repeat. Switch to Facebook Messages. Switch to Snap Chat. Watch Snap Stories. Realize forgot to watch Instagram Stories. Watch Instagram Stories. Scroll through Instagram feed. Switch to Twitter. Switch to Facebook. Get another email.

Shit! Forgot about emails. Start working from in bed again. Realize how much time has passed on social media and hate it. Imagine that I finally implemented the morning meditation, yoga, and no-phones-in-bedroom lifestyle. Get out of bed feeling inspired.

Realize what time it is and that I have to leave the house in fifteen minutes. Run to the bathroom. Stare at the shower and debate it. Grab the dry shampoo instead. It’s all out. Put hair in milkmaid braids and hope I look trendy instead of dirty. Wipe my armpits with a makeup remover cloth and use my boyfriend’s deodorant. Maybe. Splash of perfume that I bought in Iceland that I don’t even really like but it was expensive and its lid is a lava rock. Long for boss’ fancy gorgeous perfume from Holt Renfrew. Wonder if it is weird to want to smell like your boss but take comfort in knowing perfume makes everyone smell different and I can’t afford it right now anyway. Swipe of mascara and bright long wear lipstick in a bold colour.

Realize I am on Facebook again somehow.

Run out of bathroom while ordering an Uber even though I purposely bought tokens because I am #prepared. Remember I forgot to pay credit card bill. Add to mental list. Throw on dress because it’s easy.

Quick stop in kitchen. Open the fridge. Stare. Close fridge. Look in cupboard for protein bar. Rejoice when discover one.

Realize that I forget dream.

Phone pings. Uber’s here.

Run down stairs. Realize forgot sunglasses. Run back up two flights of stairs. Grab sunglasses. Try not to trip on way down. Yell to the cat that I love him and will return.

Remember to lock door.

Get in Uber.

Go on Twitter.



Posted by

Artistic Warrior obsessed with food, travel, and gratitude. I work in film and television and spend way too much time on my phone. I like crystals, cats, and cacti. I've always wanted to blog, so might as well try. I also think you're great.

3 thoughts on “My Morning Routine

      1. “Imagine that I finally implemented the morning meditation, yoga, and no-phones-in-bedroom lifestyle. Get out of bed feeling inspired.”….. all hail this ideal! luvu

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