Thoughts on Jealousy: The Well is Deep

This industry is hard. Sometimes it’s downright brutal.

When I was first starting out, in my early acting days, I couldn’t get ahead. I auditioned a lot but never got the part. So and so always did. Her. Or Her. Everyone but me. And I was mad. “This is so unfair!” I would exclaim. “They’re just friends with the casting director. I can’t believe they stole my part.”

Stole. My. Part.

This is what I would say.
This is what I would believe.

I glowed with green.

My fear taunted me – you’re not good enough. Blame them instead.

And so I ran away.

Screw acting.
I moved across the country, determined to do yoga and be a vegan and leave everything I thought I knew behind.

I was shocked when the sadness followed me. Hadn’t I left it behind? It was East Coast fear, it had no right to be on the West Side.
Slowly, I opened up to it, started to unpack it, examine it.

I looked my fear in the eye.

What I discovered shocked me with its simplicity: The well is deep.

Not an original concept, but one I’d never considered before. The idea that there is not just one part, one idea, one film, one chance. The idea that the water runs deep, deeper than we can conceive, and that there’s enough to feed all our thirsts.

The well is deep.

I let go of control.

I can’t control the decisions others make.
I can work hard and be open.
I can practice gratitude.
I can be courageous.

As the green glow faded, something else happened. I started to get parts. I started to write. I started to love myself.

I also didn’t get parts. I didn’t get that grant, or into that program, or film festival.

But it didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. The well is deep.

Many moons later I was talking to a friend about a part that she got years ago, a part that at the time I thought was “mine”. She told me that when she got the role she cried.
I thought back at my anger at her and felt ashamed.

The well is deep.

When someone succeeds, we all succeed. Jealous energy only brings us all down.

I celebrate your victories.
I celebrate mine.

This industry is hard.
We don’t have to be.

The well is deep.

Original post here
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Artistic Warrior obsessed with food, travel, and gratitude. I work in film and television and spend way too much time on my phone. I like crystals, cats, and cacti. I've always wanted to blog, so might as well try. I also think you're great.

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